Oh my god.



911: This is 911; what is your emergency?

CALLER: Oh... oh my god. My junk. My junk. It's gone. One minute, I was reading a flyer. Next thing I knew, I woke up in this hotel bathtub packed with ice. A note said, "Your junk has been removed. Call 911." So I did.

911: I'm sorry, you want Junk Removal 911. I'll transfer you.

CALLER: Hurry! Please. I feel... dizzy.

The 7 Habits and/or Toiletries* of Highly Effective People



* As evidenced by the briefcase left on our garbage cans.

7. Being Proactive
6. Old Spice Red Zone Body Wash
5. Dollar-store Febreze knock-off
4. Putting First Things First
3. Literature of Bill W. & Top rolling papers (tie)
1. Begin with the End in Mind...But if You're Caught Mid-Alley-Defecation, Forget the Briefcase and Run