Things About LA That I...
... Will Miss: (3.) Tiki-Ti
A bar so small, you'll be standing if you don't get there within an hour of the 6PM opening. Drinks so strong, the first one quickly answers why on earth you paid $10 for it. Names so funny, you'll wonder why you ever went to bars where saying "Puka Puka" at the bar gets you pointed to the alley door.
When we first went there in 2002, we decided in our drunky haze that we'd take home the paper menu listing the 80+ tropical drinks, and use it to record comments on every single one. For two years, we brought in our tattered, blurry, gin-joint journal, along with any out-of-town guest and probably a cumulative two grand. We proceeded to try (or be with someone who tried) every drink on the menu, recording a bit of pissed pith each time.
In retrospect, our entries are no more illuminating (and no less guttural) than the drinks' names. Many are on the level of "Bourbonanza!" or "Can't remember -- went down yesterday." Frankly, it doesn't matter. Other than the Tequila Chapter (about which the less said, the better) there isn't much you can say to distinguish one big bourbon-rum-and-juice haymaker from sixty others. At least, not much you can fit in the half-inch of space between splash marks.
Our leaving Los Angeles coincided almost perfectly with finishing the menu. We'd never felt cool enough to talk with the father-and-son bartender team, much less ask them to put our Illinois plates up with the global collection hanging over the bar. But that night, a regular spotted us celebrating our completed menu and brought it over to them. The best we got out of them was a smile and, "It's a kind of sickness."
... Won't Miss: (3.) Being Cool, Trim, Well-Dressed, Moneyed, and the Object of Envy
It was hard to keep up after a while. Some days, I could only manage Moneyed and Trim, having too little energy to project enviableness. Other days, I had it all going... except the vintage concert tee and sculpted bedhead. And it tore my soul up to leave the house without the whole picture complete.
It was a lot of plates to spin, boyo. I'd like to see you try it.
... Will Miss: (2.) Watts Towers
Easily the coolest thing in Los Angeles. I'm sure I've taken more pictures of it than of my grandparents. And my grandparents are cool.
... Won't Miss: (2.) Dogs Barking/Helicopters/Leaf Blowers (tie)
I'll tell oo y, but you'll to h a second until is nds.
... Will Miss: (1.) You Know Who You Are
... Won't Miss: (1.) This Kind of Mess
Today's FOCR: "Goodbye," Paul Stanley, Paul Stanley