Friday, December 12, 2003

”All team members: wolf in aisle five…”

A reader [SFX: surprise-denoting BOING!] forwarded this story in response to the last posting about the Wal-Mart trampling. According to this and other reports, Patricia Vanlester has had what would most optimistically be called central Florida’s worst streak of shopping mishaps. Viewed more realistically, it could be suggested to the IRS that they check her income tax forms for deductions on vocational expenses like neckbraces and Chevy Chase movie rentals.

It certainly makes her case seem ready to be cut down faster than Wal-Mart's price on a gallon of Vlasic pickles. However, some interesting things to keep in mind.

1.) I hate frivolous lawsuits as much as the next decaying, child-molesting pop star. They are a scourge of our society. This doesn’t mean it didn’t happen exactly as asserted, as unlikely as it now seems.

2.) Given the Evil Friday atmosphere created by stores like this, the injury seemed extremely plausible. That attests to a truth behind any lie involved here, which is certainly why the original story spread like wildfire.

3.) My main point about the incident – the siren – remains. See (2).

4.) “Paramedics who assessed her condition … determined her injuries were serious enough to fly her by helicopter to Halifax Medical Center.” If she was faking, then what the hell kind of paramedics they got down there? I’ve had priests and English teachers who were better at spotting fake comas.

Despite it all, one thing remains true:

Florida: Home of the Flim-Flam Since November 2000!

Many thanks to the reader. I shall comb previous posts for “President Dewey” references.

Today's FOCR: "Fall Down Easy," Uncle Tupelo, Still Feel Gone

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