Sunday, June 06, 2004

Things About LA That I...

... Won't Miss: (6.) The Western Conference "Champions"

I owe a debt of gratitude to a Neanderthal. Surely it was some Early Man, upon seeing a rival tribe making off with his hard-earned elk meat, who was prevented by distance from actually striking the sneakthieves. At that pivotal moment in human communication, the only expression of outrage available with his fist was to raise and shake it.

That watershed of bipedal rage was invented for the Lakers. And for the 25th time each day I'm cut off by an SUV sporting those damn Lakers mini-flags. Invariably, there are least two, lest the principle of diminishing perspective render the flag on the Hummernaut's distant side unreadable.

Ooooooh! I hate them Lakers! [TAKE OFF HAT, STOMP ON IT]

... Will Miss: (6.) The Western Exterminator Company

Looming over Temple Street near the 101 is a giant yellow wall with this logo.

Like all true fans of The Rock, I am unable to drive by this glorious image without taking the 101 exit ramp to concert T-shirt heaven. For this Little Man waggled his finger from the backs of fortunate souls who went (or gave fourteen bucks to friends who went) to Van Halen's 1984 world tour.

In an interview with Rock Video Magazine, DLR says that they were unable to get a company to sponsor the tour, so they decided to instead sponsor a company. They lifted the logo, and a bit of 100% cotton history was made.

But I like to imagine a day in 1978. A stoned Diamond Dave watches a WestExt guy chase roaches around the graveyard of Jack bottles on his crappy Venice Beach bungalow's floor. Fixated on the exterminator's jumpsuit logo, DLR imagines the day he and that "little dude with the big whammer" would make it big.

Inspired, he grabs scissors and cuts the ass out of his pants. Without taking them off.

Today's FOCR: "House of Pain," Van Halen, 1984

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